Turning Towards Pain

A teaching that has supported me immeasurably during the COVID-19 pandemic is the teaching of the Sallatha Sutta, otherwise known as The Arrow. 

In one of his many discourses, the Buddha shared that as humans we experience physical, mental or emotional pain as if we were shot by an arrow. Whether that’s the ending of a relationship, the loss of a job or simply adjusting to a new way of being, it can be painful and even traumatic. The Buddha said that for us ‘uninitiated or run-of-the-mill folks’ – i.e. you and me – we know no other response than to resist the pain. We resist it in such a way that we create a story about the arrow in order to make sense of what has happened – but, ultimately, it’s simply a way for us to avoid feeling the pain of the arrow. 

So we tell ourselves that we deserve to be broken up with, or we get angry at ourselves or the world because we have lost money or we think what has happened is supremely unfair and unjust. All of this resistance adds to our suffering, because in creating a narrative around why we are in pain, we have shot ourselves with a second arrow. This second arrow is what hurts us the most. It is laced with our views about ourselves, our past experiences and conditioning. It leads to catastrophising and worrying, and over time affects our mental health. This is all because we are avoiding the pain of the first arrow. 

As humans, we are going to experience the inevitable ups and downs of life. We know we will at some point experience praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow. And yet, we still do everything we can to avoid sorrow. Our stories serve as a way for us to process our suffering, instead of simply being with the hurt and pain. Suffering is suffering – it is inevitable. If we don’t allow ourselves to feel the weight of our sadness, it permeates our life in unhelpful ways. 

The Buddha says that to navigate challenges, losses and pain, we must begin by not avoiding the pain, sadness, guilt, anger and worry. We must experience the pain of the first arrow, sit with it, tend to it and feel compassion for it, and look at the nature of another impermanent phenomenon – without shooting ourselves with a second arrow. This involves realising that we can accept whatever is arising in our body, like a cloud drifting through the sky. It’s okay to experience strong emotions. It’s part of being a human. 

A Meditation for Difficult Times

Here is a practice you may want to use in challenging times. It invites us to sit with and create compassionate space for whatever arises. 

-Excerpted from my book, Still Together. Click here to purchase a copy.